Even more thoughts

They just keep on coming. I remember a few years ago, visiting my grandfather when he was living in Pacific Grove, he was telling a story (I don't remember what story it was) which took place in the early days of the Quinn's stores, and as an aside, he said "I've always had lots of ideas".

I just nodded as he continued, feeling a deep sense of kinship, of connection and appreciation. I wanted to say, "this is who I am as well, and in large part I have you to thank for this particular aspect of my self". I didn't say it, because I didn't want to interrupt his story, which was riveting in its own right. But it was a great moment for me, nonetheless.

Needless to say, I haven't always been completely enthralled with a brain that churns and churns and churns, but I suppose it's better than a brain that spits and sputters. One of my chief concerns about having children was saddling some poor hapless babe with such a brain. Fortunately, it is looking more and more like I dodged that particular fate (as did they). Ruby acts as much like Natasha as she looks like me, and we have no idea where all the smiles from the little boy came from. Perhaps Aunt Kelly, who we saw yesterday. She was in San Mateo visiting her friend Andrea, who just a had her first child a couple of weeks ago. So, I trekked down on the train with the kids, and Natasha picked us up there after work.

Obviously, I miss my sister, but it was good to spend some time hanging out, and it was great to see little Anica. She tried to give Lupe a kiss as soon as she saw him, which I think bodes well.

Kelly and I were talking about some of the difficulties of family life, and it made me realize something that I hadn't before; that I have been writing from the perspective of the stay at home caretaker, and including my partner in the woes, because she has had her own difficulties that are different from mine, but are nonetheless there in substantial measure. It is a very particular arrangement, though, because her difficulties mainly result from breastfeeding, and the lack of sleep that produces. What this leaves out, then, would be the working father or mother who doesn't have substantial sleep issues. For those parents, the enterprise of raising children does not have the same issues.

As I said to Kelly at one point yesterday, I don't think that anyone who hasn't been a stay at home primary caretaker of a child under three for at least a month can ever fully appreciate how truly difficult it is. I know conclusively that I would have never been able to appreciate the difficulty at all without having done it. Mothering in particular, and parenting in general is mythologized to such an extent (probably in every culture, but for sure in ours) that the day to day reality of it is unknowable to anybody not partaking of it directly.

But what really puts it over the top is that if you are a primary caretaking parent, then your job follows you all the way through the weekend. The fact that being that primary caretaker is a very difficult job to start with, the lack of time off makes it really difficult.

That doesn't mean that my experience is necessarily typical. Many people, obviously, absolutely love caring for their children, and can't imagine doing anything else. I love, love, love my children, but damn, they are a handful day after day after day...